Hi. I'm new.
I'm in Latin. It's the one thing I'm good at, and the one thing I truly, deeply enjoy doing. It's where I feel like I can do anything that's thrown at me, and I can make things better when I know they're not right.
Well, up until this point. If you asked any of my "friends" what my biggest problem is, they'd all say self-esteem. It takes me so long to build up any faith in anything I do-and even then, it's so hard to keep that faith going.
Earlier in the year, I took the Boston Latin Exam preliminary test, and I thought that, for once, I actually did pretty well, especially considering the amount of time I had to prepare for it-about three weeks or so. My teacher told us that the top 200 students would be notified of being in the top 200, and they would then go to Boston to take the final exam. So from the point I took the test(mid-September) to the day students recieve the results, I basically fried my own questions into my brain. Did I get this right? Did I get that right? Did I do well enough to get into the top 200. The last question really took me over, and I somehow convinced myself that yes, I had indeed done well enough to go to Boston.
Today was the notification deadline.
I didn't recieve any mail.
When I checked the mail, I started shaking my head. I ran upstairs and I tried not to think about it-but tears just started streaming down my face. I really thought that this time would be different, and that I would be better. But instead, I got slapped in the face with my own conscience. It made me feel like such a nothing-and the worst part is, I didn't think it would actually hurt to be rejected like this.
I've been rejected before, straight to my face, online, through handwritten letters, on the phone-but never when I actually wanted to be accepted. I don't even want to go to Boston University, and I never did. But the thought of having something to be proud of-it's so close I can taste it-and then being completely denied...it kills.
And of course, my parents and/or "friends" don't even care. If I IM someone with the smilie :'(, who cares? It's just me. I have basically 1 real friend, and she's not...here.
My life? Nonexistant.